Let’s not forget mental health!
I knew that I couldn’t take the abuse within MOVE any longer. Breaking away mentally was the hardest thing I’ve ever done! With thoughts constantly swirling around in my head, confusing me, challenging what I knew to be true, challenging my own personal experiences of pain and abuse! Was this really the right thing? I know it was and I promised myself that even if it killed me I would get my children and myself free!
I wanted to write this to hopefully help people from the outside looking in understand how hard this is. I also wanted to let my family that are still struggling with this, know that I love you and I understand this is HARD!! Now just because this is hard and scary it doesn’t mean that it can’t be done. You breaking away from and exposing the truth about the bad doesn’t mean that you have to let go of the good that MOVE was supposed to stand for! With that being said how can we move forward without being honest with ourselves first and the world next? How we can ensure that we don’t fall into the same patterns and continue this monstrosity if we are not willing to expose all wrong? And not only the wrong of the government but also the wrong within MOVE!
For me it was heartbreaking. To come to the realization that “MOVE” is indeed a cult! This is not something that someone told me, but something that I came to while watching a show with my sister, that just happened to be about a cult. We were sitting there watching the show and all of a sudden it hit me and I felt like my life finally made sense. All of the pain and suffering that I didn’t understand suddenly hit me! This is why! It smacked me in the face the realization that this made sense, everything that I was seeing all of the characteristics of a cult. That was our life!!!
It is not something that wanted to see. It is not something that I came to without a great deal of pain, disappointment, disillusion, feeling lost, behind, angry, mad at myself for even coming to this conclusion. I stop myself from thinking about it for a while because who the fuck am I to challenge something so great a power so great? Challenge something so righteous and bigger than me?
How could my pain and the pain of my family within MOVE be more important than protecting John Africa and fighting against the system? To think critically of MOVE was to go against everything I’ve ever been taught. To think critically of MOVE must’ve meant that I was a system person. No better than a dirty cop or judge. A part of the very system that created the bomb that was dropped on the 13th.
A part of the reason so many children in the world are suffering, so many people are disillusioned, unhappy and hurt, the reason so many animals in the world are suffering. How could this be? Ria and Bert have warned me of this very thing and here I was thinking this way. I was disappointed in myself but I still couldn’t let it go. Looking at things through the lenses of MOVE'ss belief I was becoming a part of the “the system.” How could I go against my family and become a part of the motherfuckers that knocked my mother's teeth down her throat? How could I become a part of what my “family” has been fighting against? All of the beatings that MOVE people endured on the streets and in jail. The stands that they have taken. The sacrifices that the older MOVE members ( including my mother) have made to protect my generation and our children.
After all, we owe them everything for their sacrifices for us, right? They are the very reason that we are able to walk the streets without the cops beating us into miscarriages and putting us in jail and while throwing our kids into orphanages. Yes, I endured a great deal of pain within MOVE, but nothing compared to what I had been told I was facing leaving move. Nothing compared to the pain that the government has caused. After all, MOVE is righteous. How could I no longer want to be a part of such a great revolutionary family?
I WAS MAD AT MYSELF!
Shameful disappointed in me! I was supposed to be the next Pam Africa! What kind of person am I to let my mother down in this way after all that she has done sacrificed for this revolution? She had her head split! Teeth knocked down her throat, leg broken. What kind of person am I to let her down? What kind of person am I to let John Africa down and turn my back on God? What kind of mother would I be? Who would I be without MOVE? Was I really willing to take this leap and chance my children growing up and becoming drug addicts, prostitutes and even worst going to sleep and not ever waking up? Because that’s what I’ve always been told would happen along with a lot more. Just the thought of putting them in that kind of danger made me feel like someone is ripping my heart out of my chest the air feels thick and hard to breathe, I can’t imagine my life without children!
I could hear echoes of Bert and Ria’s voices in my head “your playing with some dangerous shit girl” “You don’t really love your kids” “ leaving move is a violation against Mama” Not to mention the threats “keep fucking around and you are going to end up like John Gilbride” “this girl is sick she needs to be cycled” and so on… and this what stuff I was told for going against them and here I am thinking against John Africa and challenging in the belief. I felt like I was going to be struck down by lightning right then and there. I wasn’t able to sleep. I watch my kids while they slept in fear that they wouldn’t wake up. I was terrified of them going around the windows are being upstairs by themselves. After all, I was violating in the worst way!
Yet I just couldn’t shake it! Yes, the Government is fucked up. But does that give MOVE the right to abuse us?
I was always told that MOVE was the only people in this whole world that had the true answers and solution to the world! Yet I’m looking around and I’m thinking about my life and all of the pain. I’m thinking about everyone else’s pain. I’m asking myself why is this isn’t adding up? How is it that all of these things are not supposed to exist within MOVE indeed does exist?
Why is it that throughout the history of MOVE, yes there have been good times... but there’s also been a more lot of pain, suffering, lies, deceit, mistrust, disillusion, mental abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse, threats, so much that’s just unexplained and we just have to trust?? How could we all have access to the answers to the world, blessed to be so close to the source itself, and yet feel so damn lost! How is this possible?
I was scared because now that I’m realizing the truth doesn’t that means I have to do something about it, right?
But that went against everything that I have ever known, it went against my brainwashing and conditioning that myself and everyone else within THE MOVE CULT had been programmed to believe. It was not hard to come to the fact that Bert and Ria are fucked up! I mean It’s scary to think of how deliberately evil they are.
But to challenge my very belief system? That was a completely different thing.
I would talk myself out of it and start to focus on the good that MOVE is supposed to stand for. It seemed easier to just block it out. Try to get more involved in MOVE's work. Help to plan May 13 or August 8th. Something! I just needed it to stop! I would focus on the fact that in my eyes My mother is the truest definition of a strong revolutionary! And no thought could ever take that away. I’ve seen her stand up to anyone for what’s right! The work that she does is real and although Ria and Bert used the fact that she was so involved with the movement to keep her out of the know of a lot of abuse that I endured from them. They also used her absence to reinforce the fact that they had been telling me all of my life that she didn’t love me. Didn’t want me. In fact, she cared more for Mumia than her own children. It hurt and still does.
They used my father not being around much along with a lot of other things to prove the point that he also did not love me. They used other things to prove that my sister did not love me and of course, I was told that my “system family” was not to be trusted and full of pedophiles and people that did not have my best interest in mind and wanted to hurt me and would rape my children.
So I would focus on all of the bad that the government has done not only to MOVE but throughout the history of the world. After all, I am the daughter of a revolutionary so I can go down a list of all of the horrible things that this government has done. It was like playing ring around the rosie within my own head being! Being on a roller coaster ride that never fucking ended!! It was and is PAINFUL!
It just would not add up. Yes, the Government is wrong and needs to be stopped. But I and no one around me within MOVE was happy in fact it was the complete opposite. Something was very very wrong!
I would start to critically think again. I would start to put all of the bad things within MOVE together and realize that this is not right! Just because something says that it’s supposed to be a certain way, if it’s not really that way then how do you continue to protect it and be a part of it? How could I continue to do what I had been told and pretend like everything was OK and it really wasn’t?
How was it any different from anyone else that helped to cover up the truth about MOVE? Not in a sinister way but with hopes that things would actually be how they are supposed to be one day. I never understood why I had to pretend to be happy instead of actually being happy. I never understood why I couldn’t be myself. Why is it that if I am in pain or tired or hungry or anything like that I have to pretend to be strong because I am representing John Africa? Why my life was not my own but had to be completely dedicated to making him look good?
Think about your favorite charity and all of the good that you believe it does. Now imagine what if you found out that charity does not actually do what it’s supposed to? All of your hard-earned money that you are donating 90% doesn’t actually go to the starving children. Would you continue to support that charity?
Would the fact that it’s supposed to do good be enough for you?
Yes, the government must be held accountable. But you also must not turn a blind eye to the bad that the charity is doing just to focus on the little good that it does. To continue to show your support for that charity would be supporting the exploitation of those children and not actually helping them at all! It’s hard to realize that you have been hoodwinked! Lied to! Disillusioned! Used! Misused! You don’t stop fighting for those children's rights! You don’t stop fighting against the mentality that caused those children to be in that position.
But you also do not continue to support the charity exploiting those children just because they are supposed to stand for what’s right.
A lot of the people within that charity could be some of the best people you’ll ever meet in your life. People who truly want to do good with the best intentions that joined the charity for all of the right reasons and stayed within charity hoping that their continued work to actually do some real good, would outweigh the bad and eventually things will get better. But does that help those children? If you ask me those people would be better continuing to do the good away from that charity. The first step is to expose the charity for what it really is and by doing so revealing the fact that they don't stand for what that charity was supposed to stand for!
Now imagine being told you are a part of something so much bigger than yourself! Being blessed enough to be one of the few chosen ones with all of the answers. True happiness, freedom, equality, love, justice! And you have access to it all shouldn’t you be grateful? Even if things are not what they are supposed to be, it’s all because of “the system” imposing on the belief. Well, that’s what we were always told.
Your goal united as one to get rid of that evil that’s “the system” and things will be good like they were supposed to be! Just hold on and whatever you do. Do not leave MOVE because we are working towards our own utopia! It’s right around the corner! We could be there but you're what’s holding it back. So you are the cause of your own pain. You just have to stop resisting, stop holding on to “the system,” you are the very thing that’s holding us back. The very reason for the pain that you are feeling and you better not blame that on John Africa, our link to Mama. And the only way you keep that link is going through Bert and Ria because you need them to understand “MOVE Law" and get and keep that link.
Sends your head for a loop right? Because who would pass up on true happiness? What kind of person would you be? What kind of parent would you be? Remember there’s no in-between! No playing the fence! You are either with MOVE or against MOVE in their eyes. Therefore you are either part of the solution or the problem!
Who wants to be a part of the problem? Let’s be honest, who wants to go against MOVE? It’s scary, right?
I am asking these questions not for answers because I have found my own but I’m asking these questions in hopes that you ask yourself and think with your true self and not the brainwashing that has been put in us all, including supporters of MOVE.
Two wrongs do not make a right no matter how you spin it! You can continue to do the work, but first, the truth must be told! Being that MOVE is and always has been so public Yes this is a public matter and exposing it doesn’t mean you become a Government agent. It means that you stand for the truth and real justice!
Exposing the wrong doesn’t mean that you lose who you are, it means that you finally taking control of who you are! I am not trying to hurt anyone or get anyone hurt and I understand that this is painful and hard. But so is living a lie! So is being abused! So is not knowing who you are! With more and more of us coming out and telling our truth at this point it’s hard to deny that there’s something very wrong here.
But to fully accept the stuff and expose it means that you have to take responsibility and accountability and help to do something about it. That’s uncomfortable for people and some would rather not go there because of how they feel it will make them look. I am saying this because that’s how I felt myself! To admit that I am a victim made me feel week and re-victimized me in a way. Until I realized that telling my truth and exposing the wrong was the strongest thing that I could ever do!
So we can continue to let our minds get the best of us and think about how people will look at us for telling the truth OR realize that this is not our fault and although we have all done things that we are not proud of under the foot of that cult, and yes the older members should have done something long ago. I understand how hard it is to break away from that control and how it’s all mixed up into what the belief is supposed to be. I see the pain and hurt and I feel that as well. But now is this time! We are breaking generational curses we have paved the way our ancestors chose us to start the train now it’s time for us all to go on and fully break that control by exposing this shit for what it really is.
It’s time to heal and the only way to get that started is the truth! You are either part of the problem or part of the solution that is your choice. I am asking for Mental health support for all those who are brave enough to get away from that cult. Not judgment but real help. If you truly realize that MOVE is a cult then please understand that what we need including the older members and those trying to get away is understanding, love, and encouragement, and mental health support!
The leaders of MOVE are the ones that need to answer and pay for their intentional heinous crimes against us! From John Africa up to Bert and Ria. Members have been lied to and mistreated and there’s no amount of good that can explain that away!
I saved this from the first time I looked up the definition of a cult:
• Leaders are charismatic, have the ability to influence and manipulate others.
• Some form of abuse takes place within the cult (physical, sexual, etc.)
• The leaders of the cult control members’ choices, decisions, and lives through manipulation
and thought reform.
• Cult members are strongly encouraged to dissociate from those that left and which left
those that left feeling ostracized.
• Those who did question authority were subjected to humiliation, shaming, and abuse.
• People who leave cults end up experiencing: disassociated, experience an identity crisis,
PTSD, role confusion, guilt, and shame, and may need help reacclimating to the external
world.
• Individuals that are involved in cults experience isolation from friends, family, and the
outside world.
• It was reported that psychological well-being increased for members early in the joining of
the group. However, several studies have shown that increased amounts of psychological
distress were seen in those that were active participants of a cult.
• Members of the cult are victims of mind control.
Understanding this I now know that my parents and sister do love me just as much as I love them!
I now have understanding for things that I did not before for everyone that I still consider my family that happened to be from MOVE. Because the bonds are real and me leaving that cult and getting that understanding made me love them even more without the interference of the evil.
With love, understanding, and strength!
June aka Pixie Africa
Ps. I no longer go by the name Pixie. Part of finding myself was getting away from that image and pain of Pixie. I am June.
